I have often felt myself unlucky for never having experienced relationships. But now I consider myself lucky for that. Rather a clean slate than a slate muddied up. Forgive me, dear reader, if I tend to uncharacteristically dawdle on matters of heart. Despite the macho image that may have been wrongly attributed to me being a man of my particular age I am as much conflicted about trhe travails of finding a partner as the next man. So please do bear with me.
My comprehensive failures at being in a relationship have been explored in reasonable detail by myself in previous entries of this blog. Till date I considered them as my losses, something to hold myself at want when compared to peers and friends who have been much more experienced in the particular quarter. While I have never been fortunate to attract the interest or attention of a female these more fortunate souls have been in many relationships, some successful some not. I have always been defensive about the fact that I have been dreadfully short of experience in that segment of life. I attributed this paucity mainly to the fact of me being terminally silly when it comes to women and not being possessed of the classic attributes women have been proclaimed to seek in men, good looking, interesting, rich or being generally charismatic. I have been at peace with this state of affairs, after all who is a man to change nature’s diktat?
All that is until recently when I was made aware that I have one gift that has been long lost by my friends better experienced in relationships. What I have realized that I still have the hope, an untarnished hope in women. I have never been in any relationship but neither have I ever been cheated upon. I have been rejected all the time but I still happen to hope to fall in love. And that hope is one gift that I believe my friends have lost.
These friends of mine hilarious though they are when regaling us with stories of their exploits have their narratives tinged with a touch of bitterness. Maybe they know women better than me, maybe they are more experienced at life than me, but until I experience similar bitterness I cherish my hope.
Perhaps like wine we men too are better when aged? Well I certainly am getting into a nice vintage shape myself. In a few months I shall bid adieu to the twenties and officially enter the middle ages as defined for Indian men. However while most men enter into thirties married, with a couple of kids, saddled with a couple of home loads and well into planning for their retirement I am living a comparatively wild life. Though I have not yet lived my life to the fullest I do my best under constraints of work, finances and generally slovenliness. These attributes which society would consider as gross negatives when considering me as a respectable member of society does however give me my space to be myself. I have no compulsions to conform to standards externally set and maybe this state of affairs would continue, perhaps even to my detriment.
But it has been a fun life.
Coming back to the original premise I still hope. And maybe this hope in love, this hope in women maybe the best gift I thank this life for and perhaps the best thing to carry with myself into the future.